Letter to no one
by Bunny's confidant
Summary: Serena makes a wrong choice while Darien is supposedly at college and she must now learn to live with the consequences.


**A/N:** This is something that has been simmering in my brain for a while now and I thought 'Hey. Why don't I just do it? Just for the heck of it.' I know that many of you will not like the concept of Serena with Seiya or that Serena would not fight as hard as we all know she did for the love she shared with Darien. What you need to keep in mind is that what I present in this draft is as plausible as any of the things that did truly happen.

Having said that, I will not keep you longer. So on with the story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sailor Moon. Nor do I receive anything in exchange of writing this story, save for my satisfaction at having written it.

I stand on my balcony overlooking the city as I wonder what you are doing now.

And I remember…

How my ears perked up at the sound of your name.

How nervous I used to get at the mere thought of you.

The way my heart jumped and my hairs stood on end every time that you leaned close and whispered something sweet in my ear.

The giddy feeling I get when I remember the time we spent together.

All the tumultuous emotions you evoked within me with just one kiss.

Your Kisses…

Your intoxicating kisses that always left me craving for more.

How I could be myself with you and at the same time feel as if it was not enough.

Then I feel it. The extreme feeling of guilt that washes over me every time my mind wonders back to you. Even if it has been almost five years since I last knew of you.

I have a family now…

Oh, how unbearable it is… The remorse I feel when I think that it should have been you instead of him. That _she_ should have been yours. Yet I realize that it is too late now. Our dreams are wasted and time cannot go back. I have tried, but Setsuna will not let me. She said that we must let everything run its intended course. Of course, it does not help to know that she is in love with you.

How could I let you go? Why did I not try to fight harder, been more patient? Maybe everything would have sorted itself out. I would not be standing here wondering bitterly of what has become of you and what might have been yet never was.

Where are you now? Are you well? Do you still think of me? Did you ever?

So many questions left unanswered…

It all seems so long ago that I have forgotten the details and that makes me wonder if it was real. Maybe my girlish fantasies blew everything out of proportion.

"Odango?"

I hear someone call behind me. I start. Being caught in my memories as I was I mistook his voice for yours. Just for a moment. It is ridiculous, I know. He could never compare. No one can.

'_Odango_.' Nobody calls me that anymore. Only him. I wish he would stop. It was permissible at first, when I thought you had abandoned me. Now it has become a habit. One I yearn for him to drop because every time that word leaves his mouth my gut wrenches and my thoughts fly back to you. To the beginning. To a time when we just felt, though acting instead as if we never did.

He has caught me flinching at the word. However, he does not know. How could he? He was never there when everything was well. He is not aware of the history. He never saw how good we were together. He arrived much later and all he could see, all he let himself see was a selfish man who placed his dreams before his love's happiness. And a besotted young girl with a passing mourning for her lost relationship, her delusions of first love.

I would never dream of setting him right. After all, the fault is mine for having so little faith in you and our love. I thought you had gotten tired of me. That you had finally realized that being with me was holding you back from realizing your dreams and reaching your goals. I thought that you had decided to shut me out of your life. So I promised myself to another out of spite. Although I always carried the hope that everything would work out. I did not realize how foolish I was being at the time.

I created a sort of protective bubble around me. I was not myself, but the others respected my decision after seeing for themselves that I had reached some semblance of happiness. Or so they thought.

I had managed to lie to myself for a while. Up until our last big fight together. Then everything went to hell. Or at least _I_ did.

Galaxia's admittance to your death was a heavy blow. I thought that everyone but the Sailor Stars and I had perished from the battle. In the end, Galaxia finally repented. And just as quickly as it had begun, the battle ended. He had lost his transformation and was holding me in his arms trying fruitlessly to comfort me, to mitigate the great feeling of loss I had been left with.

Suddenly they were there! Alive, smiling and spouting words of reassurance. And for an instant, I was happy again. Everyone was ecstatic and I got carried away in the celebration as I let him take hold of me again only to land a joyous kiss on my lips. Damn that kiss! Because then was when I heard it. A deafening sound. A hurt and confused utterance.

"Usako?"

And just like that, with one little word, my whole world shattered to pieces once more.

I had hoped to God that it had been just a product of my imagination. But I realized that fate had other plans as I heard it once again, louder this time.

When I turned around, I was rendered speechless by the confused expression on your face and the extremely hurt look in your eyes. You had never been one to show emotion so openly. I never saw you look so lost and helpless before. Not even when you were telling me of what little you remembered about what happened on the night both your parents died.

Minutes passed as we stood there staring at each other, unsure of what to say. Everyone started to leave to give us space. Something that was not lost on Seiya, as he spoke up and broke the spell of the moment.

And there it was… The moment of my damning. With just one word. Funny how that works.

"Odango?"

Yep. That did it.

You looked slightly taken aback at the shock of him using your special name for me. Your face turned to stone almost instantly as Seiya took a step closer and wrapped an arm possessively around my waist.

You made to leave. Stopping only to shoot me one last betrayed glance before walking away and out of my life without another word.

At that moment, I wished that I could run away and escape from it all. But I stood, unmoving still, not uttering a word instead of screaming at the top of my lungs. Pleading for you to stay, for you not to leave me with this vast feeling of nothingness that surrounded me as you turned to leave.

Looking back on it now. I have come to realize that it could have been prevented and in any case, stopped. But I stood back and let things unfold that way and am now paying the price.

I should distance myself from everything and flee from this torment.

Yet I stand still not being able to let go of you as every moment that we spent together comes back to haunt me. Not being able to move on and live my life as if we had never loved each other.

Do not ask me how. But I know that I will survive. Time heals everything, or so they say.

Maybe one day I will wake up and everything will be as it once was. I will be late for school and bump into you in my hurry to get there. And I will finally land where I belong… I will land in your arms.

All the memories become too much for me to bear and the pen falls from my hand as it trembles over the page while I write this letter that I will never send… This letter to no one.

**A/N:** So there it is... I hope you liked it, but I would like you to review even if you didn't. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Bunny's Confidant


End file.
